Sometimes things don't go as you plan. You always have a self-image of how you want everything and it should be that way. Perfectionism? Think so... That's why it's not surprising that I 'suddenly' had a burnout 2.5 years ago. Because you cannot plan and get it the way it is in your head, but how do you get it out?
Now 2.5 years later, 1.5 years in my own business and still 20 hours a week in the office (now of course I have been completely at home since March and have not seen an office anymore) I can say that I have done a damn good job! But why have I been having so many palpitations in recent weeks? Why do I now 'suddenly' have high blood pressure? Why do I have tinnitus? So I've had the latter for months. Turns out to be a form of stress, did you know that? Well I don't, so I've always denied it. I don't have any stress, why... I have to recognize that now after a burnout and having seen a psychologist several times.
Until I recently called my mother-in-law, she is a physiotherapist. Not an ordinary physio, no specialized in various categories, is that what you call it? Fine, I used to be an office manager at a physio practice and I can't think of it. Specialism.. Right! Including in
Nice to have such a mother-in-law, anyway. Psychosomatic Physiotherapy is especially for complaints such as: palpitations, panic attacks, anxiety attacks, chronic complaints, grief processing, plenty of choices, but she can help me with breathing exercises.
This was also successful 2.5 years ago, so I'm sounding the alarm... Not for this at first, no, I called her for a blood pressure monitor. She works nearby and felt my heart rate so high and racing so I thought I'd let her check. Well, she couldn't do it at that moment, so it was wise to call the doctor because my complaints were so annoying that I couldn't even sit quietly at home anymore. I panicked a bit because my heart rate didn't drop and it was pounding in my throat, I can tell you. I have always had very low blood pressure, so when I heard that it was 145/110, I was allowed to remain healthy and I had to take beta blockers to lower it. Long story short, I still have it now. Of course it drops every now and then, but I usually still have it, so starting tomorrow I will get a refresh training again so I can breathe through my stomach again instead of very high in my airways, which is also nice with asthma by the way, but that's besides the point. And I have another consultation with the GP for a referral. What I then wonder is, why again? I really don't feel like doing this! (just to be clear, no referral for a psychologist, I feel good except for palpitations 👍)
Then it never ends. You know it yourself, if you have had a burn out then one thing is not what you want and that is a relapse. I am so happy with my life now. I finally have everything how I want it, how I saw the perfect picture. But this perfect picture is continuously adjusted. Expectations are increasing... More turnover, more brands, more trade fairs, more space needed, more... More... More....
We continuously raise the bar.
Think about how high you set the bar. Thanks LOI! Every day your bar is raised higher by your own expectations. I want to be the perfect wife, the perfect mother, the perfect business partner, perfect girlfriend, perfect sister, perfect sister-in-law, daughter-in-law, grandchild... Perfect perfect perfect... I also want my house to look PERFECT and for me to look perfect So I still have to exercise myself, which I really enjoy. I've been kickboxing for 9 months now, not just with my niece and that's great. Never expected but delicious! But you are constantly trying to be perfect. Even with this blog I think, if this is good enough...
I'm actually kicking myself now reading this. I am constantly fighting a battle with myself to do everything 'right'. That won't work and we shouldn't want that either.
But I'm still disappointed with the last 1.5 years. Since I met my best friend Kletskouz, we have been more than best friends. She really is my other half. We already were, but now even more so. But a lot has also changed in the past 1.5 years. My world has become a lot smaller because of Kletskouz. You simply don't have time to go out every weekend or have high tea with friends, go into town, etc...
Trade fairs are visited, training is given and you continuously improve and grow. Wow, this sounds fantastic, but I also miss friends, children of friends. I really miss time. 24 hours in 1 day is really too short... Anyway, I have a girlfriend who I seriously would never have 'dropped' if I hadn't had Kletskouz. And neither would she me if she hadn't had her webshop. In addition to Mies, I had another good friend, she was my maternity nurse with Ryan. A great guy, from that moment on seriously inseparable, but due to a business dispute we never see or speak to each other again and that is a shame. Life goes the way it should go, don't get me wrong, but sometimes things just have to be given a place because something like that can destroy something dear, but you also want to see Kletskouz continue to grow and then you choose for yourself. The latter is so difficult to make choosing for yourself. My girlfriend is BAM mom, consciously single mother, super handsome. I don't imitate her, but I was at her birth, so intimate, so close, but now we see each other so little.. And there are so many friends that you have to miss because you simply don't have enough time.
You also notice with family that everyone has a different approach to life, but why does everything always have to be so hard and disapproving? Life is so short, no one has promised us tomorrow and let's be nice. If we appreciate and respect each other, we will all be much more sociable and with less tinnitus and so on??
In any case, I have written off a lot and I now see that those palpitations will really be a form of stress. Stress because I set my standards too high.
I've never liked limbo dancing, that's why the bar had to be high in the past... That's where it comes from.
Anyway, live day by day, I am also a great mother, top entrepreneur, super friend, fantastic daughter-in-law and whatever I am or am not, it is tough and that can be said 💜
No one promised you tomorrow. Enjoy dear readers, enjoy!
Big hug and take good care of yourself because on the plane you have to put on your own oxygen mask before you can help someone else. ❤️